The MCA Days - Swept Away In New York

Flying to New York for the very first time is still to this Day one of the most memorable experiences of my Life. Up until that point my Passport had 3 stamps...Cyprus, Spain and Portugal. I had dreamt of traveling to America since I was little as it was always depicted to be the land of Dreams or maybe that was just my Irish ancestry.

I was accompanied by my Manager (Brian) and my A&R man (Steve) and my excitement couldn't be contained. We stepped off the flight and the miserable faces and unwelcome greeting of the customs officials could not stop my cheesy, ear to ear beam or my slight over enthusiasm as I bounced in to the States, cool I was not!

A Black Chrysler limousine awaited our arrival and I remember whispering into Brian's ear that I was slightly embarrassed to get in to it. Limos to this day still make me very uncomfortable, they are way too grandiose and pretentious for my liking. Even more so for an unknown because you just know that at some point there will be someone standing there waiting for the doors to open with baited breath to see who gets out and then the disappointed face or faces when the limos true contents are revealed. Yeah that used to happen a lot. 

We drove into Manhattan and literally my mouth was open the whole time, I was speechless, my neck hurt so much from looking up out of the window (so much so I wish I could have been strapped to the roof). I had never ever experienced architectural porn like it. Seriously... I was in total awe of this City. The atmosphere of New York is nothing short of electric and it will always remain my most favoured city in the World, hands down. I left my heart there. It made London feel like toyland to me. Everything was faster, bigger, taller. The smell of fresh pretzels on the street corners, the sound of honking horns every minute, the steam coming from the subways...this was me, this was the DREAM and I was living it. I was one lucky kid!

We slowly pulled up on 44th Street and outside the entrance to our Hotel, 'The Royalton'. The Royalton Hotel back in the 90's was THE place to see and be seen. It was designed by Philippe Starck and was the epitome of chic, minimalist design.

 

Two stunning door men held open my door as I climbed out of the limo. Were you kidding me? These were door men? The dark haired and and incredibly polite and smiley one I would recollect many years later as Gil Bellows the actor that played Tommy in Shawshank Redemption. Yes he actually held open my car door, I think maybe it should have been the other way round.

Every person that worked at The Royalton Hotel were of model like proportions. The women were flawlessly beautiful all dressed in little Red shift dresses that just added to the Hotels class and the Men looked like they had stepped right out of a Ralph Lauren campaign immaculately uniformed head to toe in black. Best place to look was at the floor, to save embarrassment.

We checked in and I headed to my room to catch some rest and get showered before we headed down to the lobby again later that night to dine in the restaurant.

To experience such finery at 17 was out of this World for me..I have to state that I would never have stayed in these places if it wasn't for my career and to have had these opportunities I still count as a huge blessing in my life. It all adds to my Life experience and I never ever take it for granted or forget that most people don't get to experience this side of life in their lifetime. I think its very important to say that I was a very, very fortunate 17 year old.

I was able to get a full days rest and see a bit of New York before I was due in the Studio with Ric Wake (Mariah, Whitney, Celine, Jennifer) and although I couldn't wait to start recording I was also extremely nervous at the prospect.

The Day of the recording I was up very, very early as my Jetlag and excitement combined was like downing 20 Redbulls but it was a positive as at least my voice had enough hours to wake up before I was to start singing. The Song I was recording was a Song called 'Swept Away' which was penned by Andy Marvel (Celine Dion, Diana King, Jessica Simpson), Shelly Peiken (Christine Aguilira) and Arnie Roman (Karyn White, The Real Thing, Taylor Dayne). I'd had the song sent to me 2 weeks prior to my trip and fell in love with it. I thought it had a real magical quality and I really felt that it would suit the tone of my voice. I learned the song off by heart so that I would feel as comfortable as possible performing it under pressure.

We arrived at The Hit Factory and it was a buzzing hive of creatives, writing and producing tracks in every room and studio throughout the building. A kingdom of hitmakers, where Ric ruled. I was booked into the main studio to lay down the vocals and as I entered the room my head filled with all the legends that had come before me.

Ric Wake introduced himself to me for the first time and shook my hand; I'm sure trying to make me feel as relaxed as possible. He was very down to earth and friendly but his reputation shadowed my judgement and ability to relax as I would have wanted to with him. To be honest there didn't seem to be too much care for small talk and I could see that this was going to be recording with strict timescales and work ethic. In no time at all I was in the vocal booth, mic'd up and ready to go.

Now as I have mentioned in a previous post, the vocal booth can be the most daunting and isolating experience ever if not handled correctly and the best vocal producers in my opinion go out of their way to not exasperate this possible emotional state. Ric, however wasn't this kind of producer (God love him).

The track played through the cans and I started to sing..

"I'm gonna cycle the track a few times to get you warmed up Rebekah"

"Ok", I said but I was already warm I had been rehearsing the track in my hotel room for hours.

I sang the track from top to bottom 2 or 3 times and Ric said nothing just left me in silence in the booth whilst having conversations with my Manager and the Engineer which I was not privy to but could witness through the glass.  I began to battle with my nerves and so soon into the session too.

Now the problem with nerves is that unless you can control them they can be your worst enemy. Some nerves are good and can act as adrenaline which evokes spontaneous performance and takes your voice places it's never been, allowing itself to do things you never even thought it could. On the other hand if not leashed, nerves can trap your voice like a caged bird and you forget how to sing. This is why now when I work with Vocalists I go out of my way to build them first before I start to chip away at them. You have to make singers feel comfortable before they are able to take criticism or they just clam up.

"Right, Rebekah we're gonna start taking now ok?

"Yeah, ok".

I think I managed to get to the first Chorus and the track stopped.

"You're singing through your nose at this point".

"Am I? Ok, lets do it again."

Again....just passed first Chorus.

"You're doing this thing with your voice when you reach this point. It sounds throaty. Are you warmed up enough?"

"Erm, yeah I think so."

"Ok. lets go again".

A third time...stop.

"Rebekah try to open up when you get to that part."

Wow, the worst part about this way of recording is that the more times he stopped me to comment negatively, the more my voice really did start to close up.

I began to feel myself holding back the tears...I can't cry...God, Rebekah please don't let him make you cry.

"Ric, I don't know what you mean. My voice feels fine. Lets, go again".

"Yeah, its like you do this thing with your voice, you go throaty...you need to stop that. I don't like it."

Well that was it...my nerves had wrestled me to the ground and pinned me down...I was beat. The tears started streaming quietly down my face.

"Are you ok, Rebekah?"

'Erm, no....I can't do it."

Brian came into the vocal booth and tried to salvage my confidence but to no avail. Then Ric said desperately..."hey, do you want to go for a Beer?"

"Yeah, a Beer would good right about now."

We left the building and just Ric and I went to a local Bar and sat and chatted. I told him how I felt that the more he criticized me the more I would clam up and that I was already very nervous anyway, feeling slightly out of my depth in his presence alone. He apologized to me and said that he was aware that he can be hard on vocalists and didn't mean to make my cry. After his rather humble apology was accepted he concluded our discussion by asking me if I  was ready to go back and record with him and well... I had to be honest with him.

"No Ric, I honestly don't think you're gonna get this Vocal out of me now. I am going to clam up with you every time because YOU make me nervous."

"Right, ok. How are we going to get around this as I don't think the label will be very happy" he said through a rather guilty chuckle."What about if Brian records the vocals with you? Would that be easier, instead of me?".

"Really is that an option? Yes please, I think that would work."

So, my first trip to New York to record with the illustrious Ric Wake, after all that the following Day it was my Manager that was able to get the vocals out of me but hey who cares how we got them...we got them. I thank Ric for being gracious enough to let go of the reigns to get the job done.

Swept Away - Rebekah Ryan - Written by S.Peiken/A.Marvel/A.Roman

This was the song that I hoped would have been be my first Single but alas it was never to be heard until now.

The MCA Days - The Heat Is On

After spending months, rather frivolously cutting into my large artist advance eventually the dust settled and I started to adapt to my new London lifestyle.

The realization of how lucky I actually was to have a Record deal at 17 was hitting home. All my friends were working full time jobs, some in apprenticeships earning £56 pounds a week and all of them still living with their parents and here I was with my days my own, going to the gym and dining out in fancy restaurants with my own apartment in the capital.

The problem with this life, being 17 and on a rather premature executive salary is that it became very lonely. Unless I was with my Manager, I was on my own. I had a boyfriend who worked long hours in a five star Hotel but us spending time together was a rarity and before long he was sleeping with some Spanish waitress and I was kicking him out.

All this in hindsight was way too much for a young girl just out of school and from a very ordinary working class Irish background. The novelty of my freedom and wealth soon wore off and turned to boredom. It actually felt like I sang less being signed to a label than I did when I wasn't. How does that work?

Finally, however after the long months passed by the time came for me to meet with my Head of A&R, Steve Wolfe and the Head of Marketing.

Brian (my manager) picked me up in his White BMW Convertible and off we went to discuss the plans that would launch my Career.

Brian and I had grown very, very close since we had first met having spent a lot of time with him, his Wife and 2 gorgeous Daughters in the early stages before we secured my deal. I would stay at their family home in Hertfordshire and have tea with them at least 2 or 3 times a week and I always admired their relationship as a couple. They practically became like a second family to me and I have to say I trusted him with all my heart plus he had a great sense of humour which I loved.  I always treated him like he was a brother...in fact looking back he was probably too open with me from the very beginning..telling me things about himself that he probably shouldn't but I liked it it felt like home.

Brian would always debrief me on the way to a meeting, telling me what was on the agenda and how I should act and even what to wear; I'm sure this is the norm for most POP artists. It was important that I always took every opportunity to reaffirm the company's belief in me as an Artist and investment. Therefore I was always on my best behaviour, carefully choosing my words and looking flawless.

Steve Wolfe's Office was on the top floor of the building and had a glass front and I always remember that when the lift doors opened to the A&R department the first thing that hit you was the music and the energy. Every person on that floor was a filled with enthusiasm and you could tell that they just lived for their jobs. Music blaring through precision speakers and excitable shout outs of "Hey, you've gotta hear this...this is the next___single."

You go into labels now and they are like libraries...listening to music at their pod like desks through headphones nothing at all like it was back then. The huge corporations with their bottom line mentality have killed the child like enthusiasm that echoed through the Music business and to be honest I am glad that I got to see the industry at its finest.

Steve Wolfe or Wolfie as he was known, always reminded me of a white Coolio, he talked in rhyme and chain smoked 'Dunhill' cigarettes.  He was like the Godfather of the A&R department and everyone adored him. I don't think I ever saw Wolfie raise his voice once or get angry the whole time I had known him, he always remained softly spoken so that you would hang on his every word.

Wolfie again lived and breathed Music.....his passion was contagious and once more I felt like this was a man whom I could trust and whom I had copious amounts of respect for.

In the meeting Wolfie explained that the last few months had been spent having conversations with Producers, working in time frames and of course looking for Songs and now they were ready to move forward and start recording.

The first recording session was to be in New York in 2 weeks time and was with Uber Record Producer Ric Wake, Ric had previously produced Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Taylor Dayne, Celine Dion to name but a few....although overjoyed by the prospect my throat tensed at the idea.

At the time Rick had an empire called The Hit Factory in NYC which housed and helped launch the careers of some of the Worlds most incredible writers and artists such as the legendary Billy Mann (Pink) and the uber talented Andy Marvell amongst others and his production house had churned out some of the biggest hits of the 80's and early 90's.

Was I ready for this??

He then went on to inform me that I would then continue to work with some of the biggest names in Music at that time, C&C Music Factory, the epic Brothers In Rhythm and of course not forgetting the incredible Nigel Lowis who I had already worked with prior to my deal.

I had songs being sent for me from Burt Bacharach, Lou Lou, Billy Mann, Andy Marvel, Diane Warren, the World's top drawer writers (what the industry calls the writers that write the hits) and they don't just write for anyone you had to be a priority act.

.....and that was just the Music...the conversation then progressed to the Photographers that would be shooting me. The names of Steven Meisel, Herb Ritts, Steven Kline were thrown around flippantly like they were unknowns...this was WAY too much for for my humble beginnings. Dreams were not meant to become reality, not this soon anyway.

That was it...the pressure just got heavy....I was speechless...HAPPY... but christ I have never been so nervous in my life. Was I capable of mixing with such greatness, really?

Was this 17 Year old Tammy able to deliver??

The MCA Days - Silence Is Not Golden

I thought immediately upon signing that I would be none stop;all systems go but  it couldn't have been further from the truth. I am sure there were meetings about me but I most certainly wasn't at them. Instead I spent the next few months, spending my hard earned cash...hmmmm hardly hard earned, I was barely out of School.

The first thing on the agenda and as instructed by my Manager was to buy an apartment in London and relocate. I spent 3 months looking at property all across the City and Suburbs and finally settled on a bijou conversion in Willesden Green, NW2 (well I had to keep my northernness somehow). Plus it was easy for Mom and Dad to get to,straight off the M1.

London was alluring and exciting,  I had always said to Mom and Dad that I would move there...well, before my planned, dramatic migration to the USA which was going to happen once I'd racked up enough sales and the movie directors were calling.

However, although the label was there, my future was there and my beautiful new apartment was there; which I was now paying for, it took months before I could pluck up enough courage to uproot and leave my friends and family behind.To be honest if  it wasn't for the fact that my Parents at that time were going through a very rough patch, I'm not sure I even would have.

In typical 'Rebekah Ryan' fashion there had to be some sort of heart ache to send me fleeing for sanctuary, although still to this day that's never benefited my emotional well being. You'll soon start to see the repetitive cycle of flight or stay that clung to me like the plague for the next 10 Years of my life but we'll get to that.

I can honestly say that I was shocked by the absence of music and performance in my Life at this crucial time of my artistic growth. It felt like the label had banked me...I was doing nothing for months. I had gone from gigs to auditions to theater performances to the studio and then to zilch, SILENCE! I honestly couldn't get my head around it and slowly the frustrated artist tantrums became frequent occurrences.

Before my signing I had met a wonderful Acting Agent called Jenny who I had met at the TV Studios whilst filming 'Pot Of Gold'. Jenny had taken an instant liking to me when people thought that I was her daughter at the studio and had worked hard since our initial meeting to kick start my acting profession; securing me an audition for a Major film and getting my professional acting head shots done.

Jenny was a wonderful, warm glamorous lady with a wealth of contacts that had high hopes for my acting ability and I really trusted her judgment.

It was about this disappointingly quiet time that Jenny approached my Manager and asked if they could work together on developing my career, she handling the acting side and Brian the music side. Consequently after their only meeting, I never saw or heard from Jenny again...my first taste of the disastrous decision making that would be made on my behalf, with no logic or explanation.

Yet another clear example of how my own ideas and dreams meant nothing.

The MCA Days - The Signature

My hand slightly trembled as I signed the contract placed before me and I couldn't figure out whether it was the 5 Albums that made me nervous (which would probably equate to the next 15 years of my life) or the fact that everyone in the room was about to witness my appalling signature, that was the one thing I didn't practice in my bedroom in front of the mirror.

note:check out the awful autograph 

The Sterling Silver pen which I held in my hand felt like the china your Mom only brings out at Christmas; saved purely for special occasions and an obvious extravagance. The distinct immaturity of my legible autograph sat on the dotted line with glaring mediocrity. I always felt like it wasn't a household name unless it was coming from my Mothers mouth and at full voice. Of course my name wouldn't feel that way to me, it was me, I grew up with the darn thing and actually remember hating it so much as a child. It didn't seem to have the popstar ring to it like my idols...Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin or Striesand it sounded significantly boring...or at least to me it was anyway.

Once the papers were signed by all parties involved it felt like I could breath again, everyone shook hands and champagne flutes were raised. The deal was DONE!

Now, we could get down to business.....hopefully.

The MCA Days - A New Home

We've all heard the term 'Pushy Parents' and somewhere along the line I'm sure we've all experienced them.

'Pushy parents' can have a detrimental affect on an Artists career if they get too involved in things they know very little about and in some cases send some managers and labels running for the hills and completely ruin their childs chances of realising their dream.

Thankfully, mine were the kind of folk that did as much as they could to get me where they thought I deserved to be and when the deal was done slipped quietly back into their normal humble existence and watched proudly as their years of guidance and belief seemingly started to pay off.

The Day of the signing was a HUGE DEAL to myself and my family (it was happening). Mom, Dad and I were up bright and breezy to catch the early morning train down to London. My Mom hated London and still does to this day, it's way too big and fast for her. My Mother was born and raised in Tamworth and if I am honest has never really had the desire or inclination to be any where else (I've always secretly wished that I was like my Mother in this way and didn't have such dreams of grandeur) but alas I got stuck with the 'always wanting more' syndrome.

My Father on the other hand is exactly like me...a musician/songwriter who also had some minor success in the 60's being signed to Polydor. Sadly, my Dad was a product of the times and was ripped off massively and left with some pretty bad emotional scars that I don't ever really believe he's truly gotten over but hey...the curse of the Artist.

We arrived in London; all three of us dressed up like we were dining at The Ritz and were collected by our chauffeur driven car which would deliver us rather pretentiously to the MCA offices on Hyde Park Corner. Here we were greeted by my Manager Brian and my hot shot Lawyer at Sheridans.

I remember glancing at my Mom and Dad and feeling their sense of unease about the environment they were in; even though they were overjoyed by the prospect of household success for their youngest Daughter. I wistfully imagined us back in our small Town making small talk in our local Cafe over tea and cake, it all felt so business like now and not creative at all. This new chapter in my life was a far cry from my local drama club or The National Youth Theatre that I was part of where I was surrounded by people of my own age all having fun with our intangible dreams. I felt like I was ageing emotionally already.

We waited briefly in the reception of the Record Label and were soon joined by my head of A&R the lovely Steve Wolfe. As I mentioned in an earlier Post, it was Steve that had actually spotted be on the talent show 'Pot Of Gold' and he that contacted Brian my manager and suggest that he find me (it didn't take too long to find out that me signing to MCA was in fact no coincidence at all). What I learned within this very brief space of time from development to signing was that it was always going to be MCA that won the prize and the other meetings and negotiations over the past few months had all all just been part of the hype. What I mean by this is that shlepping me around to other major labels got people talking (the right kind of people, including BIG industry Lawyers) within the music industry and created a buzz, the outcome was always going to be the same.The deal was done behind my back before I even stepped foot in my first recording studio.

All five of us climbed the grand, curved, all white marble staircase up to the Managing Directors office.

Believe it or not I wasn't actually too familiar with the BIG BOSS himself; Mr Nicholas Phillips. Nick was of a class that I hadn't really frequented myself with at this stage in  my life; a very well educated, public school boy type; crisp Ralph Lauren shirts tucked into flawlessly pressed jeans and a passion for classic cars and immaculate women with double-barrel names.

As we entered Nicks office the first thing that hit me was the light; floor to ceiling windows with a balcony overlooking hyde park and the sheer size of it was totally unreasonable. It must have been bigger per square footage than my mom and dads entire house. The second thing that hit me was the athletic and rather handsome man that politely rose from behind his mahogany desk as the humble party entered the room.

Nick offered out his hand in greeting, first to my Father, then my Mother and finally to me (yeah this Man knew how to work it.).

After the obvious pleasantries, we were very soon down to business.

The hefty, bible like contract was carried in from another room by the Record Labels Lawyer with as much care as a glass slipper on a velvet pillow and all eyes at that moment were on it.

Although I was eager to sign and get this party started anything that thick had to be carrying some kind of complex distortion of the truth, I thought....but hey I was young.....who doesn't believe everything they're told?

Taking The Horse To Market

The next few months for me was the most exciting time of my career, my feet literally did not touch the ground.

This is what the industry calls 'The Development Stage'...

First came the Music. I had songs being crafted for me by one of the industries most successful writers/producers of that time within the UK, 'Nigel Lowis.

I'd like to make you aware as I think its important for artists to know this...that at this point of my career and aged 17 I had no input whatsoever in the creative or A&R process. It was clear from the start, vividly clear that I was to have no say in what I sounded like...I was to be told what to sing, how to look and how to act. This is where the term 'POP PUPPET' comes from because at this point thats exactly what you are. Back in the 90's the industry was full of them so I was no different we were put on the production line like Barbie Dolls, commodities but hell it was still FUN!! haha...we were living the dream!

Anyway, back to my whirl wind three months...

After the music was written I had my first taste of a REAL Studio. I remember walking into the vocal booth and for a moment feeling extremely isolated and alone...not being able to hear if people were talking about me through the glass...possibly only half sharing conversations. Then.. once I'd taken a few deep breaths and calmed my nerves I asked that the lights in the booth be turned down; I earthed myself and as the music came through the headphones I opened my mouth and sang. WOW!!! I felt like I had died and gone to heaven the sound was clear, warm and pure..the music wrapping itself around me like a note knitted blanket. In that moment in that space, my space I began my life time love affair with THE RECORDING STUDIO.

Nothing In This World - Rebekah Ryan - Written by B.Bacharach/N.Lowis

Once the tracks had been recorded, polished and enough 'magic dust' had been sprinkled all over them (another sign of the times. Everything for female artists was...well...pretty...really, really pretty) it was time to sort out the image.

Now, as you know by now I'm from a Town in the midlands...my options for fashion were, I would say limited at that time. However I knew LABELS....I knew my designer brands and I'm not talking your LEVI's or your Gio Goi or NIKE...I'm talking your Chanel, Armani, DKNY, Gucci. Never in a month of Sundays did I think that I would be wearing them, not at 17 anyway or ever in fact ??

I was taken shopping on Bond Street by manager and well lets just say it felt like a scene from Pretty Woman...he must have spent thousands (well I spent thousands but we'll discuss that at a later date). We had the young store assistants literally shaking with delight...kaa-ching!! £££££££

Then it was off to Trevor Sorbie to have my hair cut by the senior stylist in Convent Garden (he was quite dishy actually, although too old haha).

By the time Brian (my manager) had finished putting me through my remodel, I came out looking like I already WAS a STAR!

Then and only then was this race horse ready to take to market!

I was taken from label to label by Brian (who chaperoned my every move); MCA, POLYDOR, COLUMBIA, EMI, LONDON meeting after meeting all the time witnessing him hype and wind up this machine. I was taken to parties, bars, restaurants, show cases, gigs...I don't even think I had time to take it all in. My life had changed soooo dramatically in such a small amount of time in fact it was unrecognisable and so was I. I remember getting really homesick at this time and missing my friends and boyfriend (who was still fairly new) and of course my family desperately. It did feel slightly that I was being propelled to adulthood on the fast track...and everything had become sooo serious. It's probably no wonder then looking back, that it was at this time that I started to experiment with drugs.

It wasn't long before I had 3 Major Record Deals on the table....MCA, COLUMBIA and POLYDOR. I remember feeling and saying that I really wanted to sign to Columbia simply because Barbara Streisand and I could be label buddies!! Plus I really liked the A&R man Mick Clark...he seemed honest and passionate about music and I got a cool vibe from him.

However, although I did get free tickets to see my idol in concert and a limited edition box set...my dream of being label buddies never came to fruition and eventually after a lot of carrot dangling I was told that I would be signing with MCA.